Monday, March 14, 2011

"A Night at the Opera" - Party of the First Part


Groucho: 
Now pay particular attention to this first clause, because it's most important. There's the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part. How do you like that, that's pretty neat eh?

Chico: 
No, that's no good.

Groucho: 
What's the matter with it?

Chico: 
I don't know, let's hear it again.

Groucho: 
So the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part.

Chico: 
Well it sounds a little better this time.

Groucho: 
Well, it grows on you. Would you like to hear it once more?

Chico: 
Just the first part.

Groucho: 
What do you mean, the party of the first part?

Chico: 
No, the first part of the party, of the first part.

Groucho: 
All right. It says the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part, shall be known in this contract - look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this, we'll take it right out, eh?

Chico: 
Yes, it's too long anyhow.   (They both rip out a portion of their contracts) Now what have we got left?

Groucho: 
Well I've got about a foot and a half. Now what's the matter?

Chico:
 I don't like the second party either.

Groucho: 
Well, you should have come to the first party, we didn't get home till around four in the morning. I was blind for three days.

Chico: 
Hey look, why can't the first part of the second party be the second part of the first party, then you'll get something.

Groucho: 
Well look, rather than go through all that again, what do you say?

Chico: 
Fine.  (They both rip out another portion of their contracts)

Groucho: 
Now I've got something here you're bound to like, you'll be crazy about it.

Chico: 
No, I don't like it.

Groucho: 
You don't like what?

Chico: 
Whatever it is, I don't like it.

Groucho: 
Well don't let's break up an old friendship over a thing like that. Ready?  (They both rip out another portion of their contracts)

Chico: 
OK. Now the next part I don't think you're going to like.

Groucho: 
Well your word's good enough for me.   (They both rip out another portion of their contracts)  Now then, is my word good enough for you?

Chico: 
I should say not.

Groucho: 
Well I'll take out two more clauses. (They both rip out another portion of their contracts) Now the party of the eighth part --

Chico: 
No, that's no good, no.  (They both rip out another portion of their contracts)

Groucho: 
The party of the ninth part --

Chico: 
No, that's no good too. (They both rip out another portion of their contracts)  Hey, how is it my contract is skinnier than yours?

Groucho: 
Well, I don't know, you must have been out on a tail last night. But anyhow, we're all set now, are we? Now just you put your name right down there, then the deal is legal.

Chico: 
I forgot to tell you, I can't write.

Groucho: 
Well that's all right, there's no ink in the pen anyhow. But listen, it's a contract isn't it? We've got a contract, no matter how small it is.

Chico: 
Oh sure. You bet. Hey wait, wait. What does this say here, this thing here?

Groucho: 
Oh that? Oh that's the usual clause, that's in every contract. That just says, it says, 'If any of the parties participating in this contract are shown not to be in their right mind, the entire agreement is automatically nullified.'

Chico: 
Well, I don't know.

Groucho: 
It's all right, that's in every contract. That's what they call a sanity clause.

Chico: 
You can't fool me, there ain't no sanity clause.