Monday, April 27, 2015

L.A. Attitude

Recently, one of my acquaintances, a beautiful blonde woman in her early forties, who has sung with some success in a few Hollywood rock bands and has always seemed to have a down to earth attitude that I appreciated, put onto her Facebook profile, which everyone else had to see on their public walls, “Wear a ring a day to keep the assholes away.”  This bothered me on few fronts. 

First, it harkened me back to when a close male friend of mine returned from living in Europe for a number of years to find himself disappointed with being back in the states and Los Angeles in particular.  He told me that when he was in Europe all of that time, he could start a friendly conversation with a women without the expectation or presumption from her that he was trying to get down her pants.  He enjoyed the more open-minded personalities that he met in Europe.  After being back in L.A. for a few weeks, he was walking back from a corner market through his neighborhood when he happened upon a woman walking her dog along the sidewalk towards him.  He said hello to her and asked what kind of dog she had.  She pulled her dog aside while simultaneously whipping out her cell phone in order to avoid contact with him.  All I can say is, I wish I were as good looking as my friend.  And he is one of the most approachable, non-pushy people I’ve ever met in my life.  I suppose that’s why I’ve been a close friend of his for so long (thirty-four’ish years?).  His post mortem of the incident was that it was a reflection of how many women in Los Angeles have deliberately evolved themselves; superficial and assuming of the worst of intentions.  I agree with him.  And with the post that I saw my Facebook acquaintance post over the weekend, this same na├»ve attitude seems to be baked into her efforts.

Another aspect of the post, which I thought was just flat out flawed, was that she assumed that guys look at women’s rings and jewelry.  Most guys don’t.   I am sure of this, with the exception of when a woman is dressed very nicely for a date with a man.  In all other situations, and especially when meeting a women, men don’t look to see if she’s wearing a ring, what kind of necklace she has on, earrings, or other accessories.  We just don’t do that.  In terms of visual cues, look at a woman’s face, smile, her shape (men like all shapes and sizes, trust me on that one), and her overall outfit, and that’s about it.  And hopefully and most importantly, we are listening to her words.  Men would generally be more likely to ask a woman if she’s got a boyfriend or husband during a conversation than to notice if she’s wearing a ring.  So my Facebook acquaintance’s assumption that by wearing a ring as a sort of male repellant, she can keep the assholes away.  Well, nothing could be farther from the truth. 

I want to make the point that there are a lot of assholes out there, just like there are a lot of bitches too.  I’ve worked and played in a lot of differing industries in my varying careers, and I have seen groups of guys acting like half-brained apes, and I have watched women bicker and talk behind each other’s backs to the point of where I can’t understand why they would expend that amount of their energy doing it.  However, one can’t go through life, and especially in a big city such as Los Angeles where we have some much continual contact with so many people, hoping to avoid contact with members of the opposite sex. 

And lastly, the sad thing for me about her post was that I thought she was a nice woman.  I had helped her a few years ago on something she was trying to do, and she came across as easy going and friendly.  But a post such as the one she made reveals a truth about her that I don’t particularly like.  I've learned that on Facebook, if people put up things that are offensive to me, I don't have to look at them simply in order to keep my friends number count sustained at a high level.  It's not worth the cost to me.  And if people who I am in Facebook circles with don't respond to a personal message I have sent to them in reasonable time (like in a month), but rather, they have been posting on their wall in that same interim, I don't need to put up with that either.  The women who posted about the ring to rid herself of assholes is no longer a Facebook acquaintance of mine.